I am so sadden to write that Amanda Paige lost her battle against cancer this morning. The past two days she was beginning to fade despite all of the attempts of doctors and loved ones. By this morning she was mostly incomprehensible and struggled to breathe. However, I could tell she was still present and trying to fight as hard as she could. The cancer was just winning out.
Surprisingly, she mustered some strength and asked to be put into a rolling chair that they have in hospitals. It took three nurses and myself to put her in it and make her comfortable. However, after a few minutes, I realized it was close to sunrise. I got permission from the staff to bring her up to the seventh floor, which is where she did her chemo. There were many friendly faces who were happy to see her, though she was not really responsive. We found a spot right next to a large window area to watch the sun rise. The picture above was the view we had. Thought it wasn’t a beach, it was still beautiful to watch.
As her breathing slowed, I started to put on some of her favorite songs – ones whose beauty I knew so overwhelmed Amanda that she would cry from the joy it brought. Here are the songs I played:
- Amazing Grace – Pentatonics
- Hallelujah- Pentatonics
- I Can Only Imagine – Mercy Me
- Until the Whole World Hears – Casting Crowns
- Amazing Grace – Chris Tomlin (her favorite version of Amazing Grace)
- How Great is Our God – Chris Tomlin
- Best Friend – Queen
Halfway through the songs, the sun started to kiss her face, which made my heart swell as she loved the sun so much. With each song, though she was pretty much unresponsive in all manners, she had a single tear that poured out from her right eye. That makes me hopeful that she heard each one. And by the middle of Best Friend, she had taken her last breath.
Thank you to all who have been so supportive in this difficult struggle. Amanda continued to have nagging worries that she was letting everyone down, but we discussed how it was the cancer…not her. But to all who know her, it was not easy for her to accept that as she hated to disappoint. Amanda said she wanted joy to prevail in her passing, so please share memories of joy of a time you’ve had with her. Please be as detailed as possible as these are stories that I can pass along to the kids so they can understand their mom better as they grow up without her.
Thanks,
Matt
11 Responses
I’m sending my love to you all😢
Matt,
I’m so sorry to hear this news. I will be praying for you and you’re family. I was Amanda’s chiropractor here back in Indy and she was always a joy to care for. She seemed like such a sweet person just like her mom who I also cared for. I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I know God will hold you fast and bring you through this trial. Please pass my condolences, thoughts, and prayers on to Cindy and your kids as well brother.
Eric
Matt,
Please pass along my condolences to your family that is there with you during this time of loss.
_MATT’S AWESOME TENDER THOUGHTS _ that was posted on this website about Amanda’s recent journey is a great testimony to the Love and Affection that you have for your family!!!!!
Amanda you will always hold a special place in my heart, you will never be forgotten!!!!! With a very heavy heart until we meet again lots of Love, Hugs and Kisses!!!!!
Love always,
Teresa Hopkins
Matt I am overwhelmed with grief for Amanda’s passing. She was the best. Hearing is the last sense to leave ( touch also) so have peace that she heard her songs and heard your words. I taught first grade with her at Stout Field in Indianapolis. She would come down to my room at breaks and we would laugh over anything.
Dear Matt,
What a beautiful tribute to Amanda poured out of your soul this morning with these words.
You have been an amazing husband and advocate for Amanda, while continuing to be a father and son-in-law. Please take care of yourself during the days and months ahead. Grieving is hard and helping Alec and Maggie work through theirs will be hard. Don’t be afraid to seek out grief counselors and ask for help when you need it.
You have faced loss before, but each one is different. Lean into it as best you can. There are no perfect solutions. Sometimes just getting through it one hour at a time is all that matters.
Scott, Angela, Bob and I will continue to pray for you, but never hesitate to call us. We will listen and encourage, but judging will never be part of the equation.
Sending love across the miles, Mom Alice
Matt: thank you for sharing these precious last memories. You loved her so well and fully, and she surely was so proud of you for how you lovingly and attentively cared for her through her very last breath. I will be able to share memories soon and will do my very best to honor her — it is so hard to capture the sunshine of your Amanda in just words.
I knew Amanda from Washington Woods Elementary and she was loved by both staff and students! She always had a smile on her face and made a big impact in many students lives! 👨🎓 She will be missed by all who loved her but is at peace without pain.🙏 She will always live in her loved ones hearts and memories. 💖
I worked with Amanda at Washington Woods. She was one of the first people to welcome me and make me feel like part of the Washington Woods family. Even though I haven’t seen her in several years, I will never forget her beautiful smile that lit up the room, her kindness, her silliness and her devotion to her students. She was not yet a mom herself but I knew that one day she would be an amazing mom which she turned out to be to Alec and Maggie. May all of your beautiful memories of your precious Amanda bring you peace and comfort.
I met Amanda through a text group with Scott Williams who had wanted to introduce us both for some time. He knew we’d hit it off and enjoy commiserating together over the political climate at the time. He was right, and I am so grateful to have had Amanda to introduce me to Randy Rainbow and laugh/cry about the state of our nation. We only met in person once but I will always be appreciative of her smile and her ability to make light of a horrible situation as we chatted our way through the Tr*** years and COVID. The world lost a truly beautiful spirit and I hope that her strong kiddos learn to speak up against hate, but always share love and kindness. I am so deeply sorry for your loss🩷
She was my cousin that I never met and certainly wish we had. I’m Judy’s daughter. Judy and Barbara Jean are cousins.
Tracey
Matt, when I read of Amanda’s passing it filled me with such sorrow and I have been thinking continuously about her and you and your beautiful children. I was so touched by your beautiful account of her leaving this earth.
Tears flow each time I read it.
Amanda and I were team mates at Stout Field for several years. I even attended your wedding! She was a loving, kind and creative teacher to her students as well as a fun and giving coworker. We’ve stayed in touch all these years and I’m so very glad we did. Even though we haven’t seen each other in years, I feel very grateful to have known her. She will be missed by so many. Rest in peace old friend.